the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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