I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
