I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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