ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
