Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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