he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
