She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
should my penis look like a turkey
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I just want to make out with him forever
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Randomize
