all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
They have beer where we have blood.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
