New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
