Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
