i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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