I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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