So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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