I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
he fucked my hip out of place.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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