If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Someone shattered a urinal.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
