hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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