FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
People with herpes should wear stickers.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
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