Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
