she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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