i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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