You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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