When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
