singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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