You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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