Dual....:-)
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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