Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
