At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I wish you could order shots online.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
the liver wants what the liver wants
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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