lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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