WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
