On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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