remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
