Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
