Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
