Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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