my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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