dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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