smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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