If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
