Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
