Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
