Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
