just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
