you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
