Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
