I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
