Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
