If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize
