my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I cut my penus on the lid.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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