I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
