big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Randomize
